Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
