weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
