Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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