12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
