i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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