So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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