Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
