i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
