There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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