I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
