why didn't you poke me back
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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