so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
