there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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