woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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