woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
