i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
where does the pee come out of this thing
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
