is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
