I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
