How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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