:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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