i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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