Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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