I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
