It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
