After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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