i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
God, I missed his penis.
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