Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
