Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
