the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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