Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
