im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
