That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
