I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
