just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
