If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
