Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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