we have officially lost it.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
