Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
