Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
