Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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