Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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