i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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