2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
