all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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