i may or may not be watching the land before time
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
