arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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