Me too!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
