wanna go halves on a baby?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
