watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize