Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize