Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
