he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
