some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
