How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
