I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
