I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
