I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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