Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
