Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
