this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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