do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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