either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize