you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
