Im at strip club and am horny
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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