Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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